Captain Kirk achy-breaky heart stuff

Like a comet into the side of Kansas. Whack.

I was out cold two months from the sheer impact. The hole still smoking, I am just beginning to emerge from my pod, feeling pretty damn crappy. And I am emerging from this hole slowly, mind you. I want to make sure the people here are not warlike. I am simply trying to look outside the ditch and see what’s happening on the outside, in this new world. Maybe it’s the shock of impact but everything here looks so different from what I knew.

I have to relearn everything. Again.

I was years long living in the last world and suddenly…well, all I remember is a sort of interplanetary firestorm…and then I woke up here.

And I am happy to find them very human like in appearance, with many of them even rather attractive. The problem I am having is they have a giant Klingon-like Complicated protruding from their faces. That’s the best way I know to describe their outward appearance. Like humans, but horribly complicated. Having been at least pretty amiable most of my life on the planet I come from, it seems so strange to be the odd one, but I have to get over my preconceptions. I have to meet the aliens. It seems so fucking difficult, almost impossible at first. I don’t even speak their language.

I resent the people on this planet. Especially smiling ones. They know something I don’t. I mostly hate them. Couples make me want to puke. I want to scream at them to wake the fuck up and see how really fictitious is their lovey-dovy charade, that they will most probably soon be driving each other nuts and and no-way-in-hell would they be together in ten years so they might as well quit wasting their time. At least that’s how it is on my planet.

I want to make cry the teenagers I see here in the mall all giggling and flirting with each other, telling them stories of how the boyfriends and girlfriends on my planet inevitably disappoint each other in the long run and how most people on my planet go forth on a string of relationships one more long and painful than the one before it but which all end up breaking their hearts in the end, again and again and repeatedly until they are finally left alone at an old age and die alone. Alone I said! Stupid teenagers on this planet.

It is not that I don’t more than anything thrive on the company of the people here, the warmth of their coffee shops and bars where the short conversation and smiles and interaction with other people reminds me that I can breathe on this planet, but right now the very idea of engaging in process of meeting someone is just way too complicated for my little mind to fathom. They have bigger brains on this planet. Huge ones. Mind-blowing to talk to aliens really. I take one think at it and start twitching.

Still I catch myself  undressing the female alien I see across from me in the cafe…but not sexually…I am trying to imagine her naked so I can see all her flaws, critique the ticks I’m sure she has and how she probably doesn’t eat this or that…she’ll have likes and dislikes and even preferences…fuck…and she will have some issues and I will have to tell her my issues and we’ll soon be telling each other how on our planet that’s how it is done and they should adapt to our ways. Oh, at first we’ll say ‘oh, how cute are those little quirks’ but soon they’ll drive us nuts.

I’m so tired of adapting to new worlds.

How stupid I am right now of this new planet and their foreign ways! And I feel depressed at times, but I can read the instances in the past that I have felt heavy like this about after landing on new planets in my journals I wrote long ago, on worlds far away. Somehow my hormones convince me every time to fall for some beautiful alien. This last time the alien love lasted 12 years.

Fucking hormones. I goddamn hate hormones. If it weren’t for hormones I could get something done in this life. Don’t they have hormone inhibitors or something? I should be taking those. Grow half tits and shrink my penis just enough that I don’t think about either sex. Call me Pat. No disrespect to Planet Transgenderian there, I’m just hoping modern science could solve this incurable stupidity driven by these errant chemicals coursing through my blood just because I mildly like somebody and technically because we may be a good pairing for copulation and breeding. A cure for love, don’t we have that by now? These people are not even my species, my solar system, my planet.

But it’s pathetic to fight. It is the ol’ celibate speech from highschool punk rock days. The “girls are stupid” from 10 years old. The difficulty is just that relationships on any planet are fucking more baffling than a Rubix cube: there’s no fucking solution book to the riddle, no Masters of the Cube that tour the country doing tricks. The damn riddle is unsolvable and I still can’t put it down. Even if that means kissing the strangest alien creature I could ever imagine, the kind of freak show stuff that pass for life forms on distant planets. Eventually… I have to talk to somebody.

Still…it will take some time to adapt. They are fucking hideous.

My only heartfelt pickup line right now would be: “Excuse me, Ms. Alien Lady, Ma’am, regardless that we are from completely different universes and that we will eventually hate each other when our universes collide, do you want to maybe talk about whatever meaningless shit you people talk about here, at least for some time, on the off-chance that we may tolerate the other’s company long enough to exploit some warmth, perhaps even if drunk enough and overcome enough with hormones that maybe we go back to your apartment or my apartment and do something we will at least someday come to regret?”

Actually, I think I’m going to try that line at the next opportunity. Be a mouthful in German, the strange language they speak here.

Anyway, it is as cold as Hades is hell right now on this planet, they call it ‘Winter’ and supposedly in some months the planet warms on this side, and I cannot wait till this deap-freeze breaks or this cold snap snaps or whatever it needs to do…but damn.

I am going to a place they call a ’bar.’ It’s where the people here warm up on cold nights.